BLONDE - JOKES

#19

A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning, the wife (undoubtedly blonde also), picked up the phone, listened a moment and said, "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up.
The husband said, "Who was that?"
The wife said, "I don't know, some woman wanting to know 'if the coast is clear.'

Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar."
The second blonde says, "Here,let me see!"
So the first blonde hands her the compact. The second one looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy, it's me!"

A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it
to her own head.
The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it!"
The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next!"

Blonde In The Breast Stroke Competition

A blonde, a red head and a brunette were competing in the English
Channel Breast Stroke Competition.

The redhead won and the brunette came in second. However, there
was no sign of the final contestant. Hours and hours went by
causing grave concern and worry. Just as everyone was losing
hope, the blonde finally arrived.

The crowd was extremely happy and relieved to see her. They
embraced the young girl as she came ashore. After all of the
excitement died down, she leaned over to the judge and hispered,
"I hate to be a bad loser, but I think those other girls used
their arms."

A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals.
She proudly says, "Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them."
A friend says, "O.K., what's the capital of Wisconsin?"
The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy, W."

What did the blonde say to her doctor when he told
her she was pregnant?
"Is it mine?"

A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific accident.
Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch and was applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived. "My God!" the trooper gasped.
"Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant.
Are you OK ma'am?" "Yes officer, I'm just fine!" the blonde chirped.
"Well, how in the world did this happen?" the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car. "Officer, it was the strangest thing!"
the blonde began.
"I was driving along this road when from out of nowhere this TREE pops up in front of me. So I swerved to the right, and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ANOTHER tree! I swerved to the right and there was another tree!            I swerved to the left and there was..."
"Uh, ma'am", the officer said, cutting her off. "There isn't a tree on this road for 30 miles. That was your air freshener swinging back and forth".

SHE WAS SO BLONDE THAT...
* She thought a quarterback was a refund.
* She tripped over the cordless phone.
* She put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to makeup her mind.
* She took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
* If she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless.
* When she heard that 90% of all crimes happened around the home, she moved.

* Did you hear about the blonde that got an AM radio?
It took her Months to figure out she could use it at night.

* What did the blonde say when she saw the sign in front of the YMCA?
"Look! They spelled MACY'S wrong!"
* Why can't blondes take coffee breaks?
...They're too hard to retrain.
* What do you call 9 blondes standing in a circle?
...A dope ring.
* Why can't blondes be pharmacists?
...Because they can't fit the bottle in the typewriter.
* What do you call a smart blonde?
...A golden retriever.
* What's the definition of eternity?
...4 blondes at a 4-way stop.
* What do you call five blondes at the bottom of the ocean?
...An air pocket.
* What do you call a basement full of blondes?
...A whine cellar.
* Why do blondes have TGIF on their shirts?
..."This Goes In Front."

* What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
..."Oh, look!! Donut seeds!

A guy is having a drink in a very dark bar.
He leans over to the big woman next to him and says:
"Do you want to hear a funny blonde joke?"

The big woman replies:
"Well, before you tell me that joke, you should know something.
I'm blonde, six feet tall, 210 pounds, and I'm a professional athlete and bodybuilder.

Also, the blonde woman sitting next to me is 6'2", weighs 220 pounds and is an ex-professional wrestler.

And next to her is a blonde who is 6'5", weighs 245 pounds, and she is a current professional kickboxer.

Now, do you still want to tell me that blonde joke?"

The guy thinks about it a second and says: "NAH, NOT IF I'M GONNA HAVE TO EXPLAIN IT THREE TIMES!."

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