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BLONDE
- JOKES
#18
A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the
morning.
The wife (undoubtedly a blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment and said,
"How should I know? That's 200 miles from here!" and hung up.
The husband said, "Who was that?" The wife said, "I don't know, some woman
wanting to know if the coast is clear.
Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on
the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and says,
"Hmmm, this person looks familiar."
The second blonde says,"Here, let me see!"
So the first blonde hands her the compact.
The second one looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy.
It's me!"
A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her so she goes out
and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly, and when she opens the door she
finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really angry.
She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so she is overcome with grief.
She takes the gun and puts it to her head.
The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it!"
The blonde replies, "Shut up. You're next!"
A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She
proudly says, "Go ahead, ask me. I know them all." A
friend says, "O.K. What's the
capital of Wisconsin?" The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy: W."
What did the blonde say to her doctor when he told her she was
pregnant?
"Is it mine?"
A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific accident.
Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch
and was applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived. "My God!"
the trooper gasped. "Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on
by an elephant. Are you OK, ma'am?" "Yes, Officer. I'm just fine!" the
blond chirped. "Well, how in the world did this happen?" the officer asked
as he surveyed the wrecked car. "Officer, it was the strangest thing! I
was driving along this road when from out of nowhere this tree pops up in
front of me.
So I swerved to the right, and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was
another tree! I swerved to the right and there was another tree!
I swerved to the left and there was . . . " "Uh, ma'am," the officer said,
cutting her off, "there isn't a tree on this road for 30 miles. That was your air
freshener swinging back and forth."
A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had
no lessons nor prior experience. She mounts the horse,unassisted, and the horse
immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the
blonde begins to slip from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but
cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but
she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly
impervious to its slipping
rider.
Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap away from the horse and
throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup, she
is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the
ground over and over. As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away
from unconsciousness when to her great fortune.. Bill, the WalMart greeter, sees her and
unplugs the horse.
A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day.
The Russian bragged, "We were the first in space!"
The American retorted, "We were the first on the moon!"
The Blonde said, "So what, we're going to be the first on the sun!"
The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook
their heads. "You can't land on the sun, you fool. You'll burn up!" said the
Russian.
To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know.
We're going at night!" |
