|
JOKES
#17
NUN
A young nun enters a convent, where she is can only utter two words every ten years. After
the first decade, she visits Mother Superior and says,
* "bed hard."
Ten years later, she says,
* "food bad."
After 30 years, she goes to the Mother Superior and says,
* "I quit."
* "I'm not surprised," says Mother Superior.
* "You've been complaining ever since you got here."
New Holidays
The Office of Personnel Management for the Federal Government today
announced the 2001 holiday schedule for Federal Employees.
There will be two less holidays in D.C. next year. Halloween and Thanksgiving have been
cancelled.
The witch is moving to New York and she's taking the turkey with her.
A little boy goes to his Dad and asks:
* "What's politics?"
Dad says,
* "Well, son, let me try to explain it to you this way."
I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me Capitalism."
Your Mom is the administrator of the household, so we'll call her "The
Government."
We're here to take care of YOUR needs so we'll call you "The People."
The nanny works hard all day for very little money so, we'll consider her "The
Working Class." And your baby brother . . . we'll call him "The Future."
Now, think about that and see if it makes sense.
So, the little boy goes off to bed, thinking about what his Dad has said. Later that night
he hears his baby brother crying so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has
severely soiled his diaper.
So the little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting
to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room.
Finding the door locked, he peeks into the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the
Nanny.
He gives up and goes back to bed.
The next morning, the little boy says to his father:
* "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now."
The father says,
* "Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is about."
The little boy replies,
* "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound
asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in DEEP SHIT.
For everyone who's tired of the usual "friend"
poems, here's a touch of reality:
When you are sad ..... I will get you drunk and help you plot
revenge against the scum-sucking bastard who made you sad.
When you are blue ..... I'll try to dislodge whatever's choking you.
When you smile ..... I'll know you finally got laid.
When you are scared ..... I will rag you about it every chance I get.
When you are worried ..... I will tell you horrible stories about
how much worse it could be and to quit whining.
When you are confused .... I will use little words to explain it to your dumb behind.
When you are sick ..... Stay the hell away from me until you're well
again-I don't want whatever it is you have.
When you fall ..... I will point and laugh at your clumsy butt.
But when you REALLY, REALLY need a friend .. You know I'll drop
everything and I'll BE there.
This is my oath ..... I pledge it till the end.
Why? You might ask ..... Because you're my friend.
Send this to ten of your closest friends and get depressed because
you only have 2 friends, and one's not speaking to you right now anyway. |
