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JOKES
#16
THE NURSING HOMES
Two women were talking about their lives since they had become
Nursing Home residents.
They both agreed that life was good but one woman, Ethel, said she was rather upset
because her sex life had really died out since she and her husband had come to the nursing
home.
The other woman said that her sex life was great!
* "I put both legs behind my head. When he comes out and sees me like that he gets so
excited! We have wild sex all night!"
* "Is that right?" said Ethel.
* "Well, then, I'm going to try that tonight!"
That evening, while Ethel's husband is in the bathroom getting ready for bed, she takes
off all her clothes. And although it's a struggle, she manages to get one leg up and
behind her head.
With some effort, she finally gets the other leg behind her head as well.
No sooner has she accomplished this great feat, Ethel falls backwards and can't move.
It's not too long before her husband comes out of the bathroom. With
a shocked look on his face, he yells: "For God's sake, Ethel, comb your hair
and put your teeth in, you look like an asshole!"
An old lady in a nursing home is wheeling up and down the halls in her
wheelchair making sounds like vroom vroom like she's driving a car. As she's going down
the hall an old retired cop jumps out of a room and says, "Excuse me ma'am but you
were speeding. Can I see your driver's license?" She digs around in her purse a
little, pulls out a candy wrapper, and hands it to him. He looks it over, gives her a
warning and sends her on her way. Up and down the halls she goes again. Again, the same
old cop jumps out of a room and says, "Excuse me ma'am but I saw you cross over the
center line back there. Can I see your registration please?" She digs around in her
purse a little, pulls out a store receipt and hands it to him. He looks it over, gives her
another warning and sends her on her way. She zooms off again up and down the halls,
weaving all over. As she comes to the old cops room again he jumps out. He's stark naked
and has an erection! The old lady in the wheel chair looks up and says, "Oh no, not
the Breath-alyzer test again!"
Two old ladies were outside their nursing home, having a smoke, when it
started to rain. One of the ladies pulled out a condom, cut off the end,
put it over her cigarette, and continued smoking.
Lady 1: "What's that?"
Lady 2: "A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet."
Lady 1: "Where did you get it?"
Lady 2: "You can get them at any drugstore."
The next day, Lady 1 hobbles into the local drugstore and announces to the
pharmacist that she wants a packet of condoms. The guy looks at her kind
of strangely (she is, after all, over 80 years of age), but politely asks
what brand she prefers.
Lady 1: "It doesn't matter, as long as it fits a Camel." |
